No Fear!!

It seems lately that I have a fear of almost everything.  It is absolutely ridiculous the things that I am afraid of now...that I never used to be.

a.  Meeting new people.
b.  Being around large crowds.
c.  The thoughts in my own mind.
d.  Failure.
e.  Not measuring up.

Those are just a few.  Why this new found fear?  I have no idea...but I know that I don't like it!!  The examples mentioned above never used to bother me at all.  Now, when faced with those issues I break out into a sweat and become consumed with anxiety.

According to www.dictionary.com , fear is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Obviously my fears are imagined.  And frankly, this is rather frustrating.  Most times, the thing I fear never even comes to fruition.  It's just one big viscious cycle.  Luckily, I'm surrounded by great friends and family who put up with me...quirks and all.  Everyday I wake up I tell myself I can make it through this day; even if I have to face it hour by hour or minute by minute.

We all have fears.  No one is exempt.  But we will all make it!!!  At somepoint in our life we have to face our fears so that they do not consume our lives.  What are your fears?  How do you cope with them?  Are you ready to kick them to the curb?

"Broken" - by Lifehouse

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Yesterday I shared "33 Things for 33 Years," today....since it is my actual birthday I want to share some pictures of me from throughout the years.  Yes...many will make you laugh...but...they make me laugh too.  In some of the pictures I wonder what I was thinking when it came to my hairdo and outfit.  However...they helped mold me into who I am today.  Therefore, I am going to embrace the odd little quirks I see in each picture.  I hope you all get a good laugh...I sure did!

Baby Picture

One Year Old

Kindergarten - I remember this day.  I had slept with those foam curlers in my hair all night.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

Day I ran my very first 5k.  Our girls team took 1st place.

I remember this yellow dress being my most

 favorite dress ever.

This was my favorite bike.  One day I left it out and some mean kids in the neighborhood smashed it all up.  It was my birthday present (I loved the Smurfs) and I only had it a few days.  Mean kids!!!

 

Disecting a pig in Biology Class.

Junior Prom

Senior Prom

Senior Picture

Another Senior Picture

From here fast forward several years....I have a ton of photos I could share but I think you might get bored if the post is too long...LOL.  The beginning of this post shows me as a baby....the end of this post will show me at 33 (well almost...these shots were taken a week before my 33rd birthday).

Mug Shot 1

Mug Shot 2

I can't say that growing up has been easy; I can say that it has been interesting.  I am now at the age my mom was when I moved to California where I met all my friends from Desert High.  I also have a daughter the same age I was when I attended Desert High.  Back then I remember thinking my mom was old....LOL!  And you've guessed right Kortney thinks I'm old too.  Do I feel old?  No Way!!  Maybe my body is aging...but my heart is still young!!!!

33 Things for 33 Years....

Well....tomorrow I turn 33. I'm not sure exactly what that means except that I will be another year older....LOL! I've been thinking A LOT lately about many things. I know...I know...many of you are thinking "uh oh" as I write this. Rest assured that most of this thinking has been good. One of the areas I have been pondering is how I can be a better person on the inside and out. Just when I think that I've got myself all figured out...something in life happens...a "Detour," and I learn that I am not who I thought I was at all. Self-reflection can be both good and bad. The good is one can see their strengths...the bad is one also gets to see their weaknesses. Although rough in the beginning, seeing ones weaknesses turns out to not be as bad as originally thought because we are able to learn from them and grow. So...as a small token to my 33rd birthday I am going to share 33 things about myself. Be afraid...very afraid!!



1. My favorite color is black.

2. One day I would like to write a book-just can't think of a topic someone would find worth reading...LOL!

3. I don't like doing laundry and I wash my hands after every load I put into the washer.

4. My dream car is a BMW iSeries Convertible.

5. I have 14 classes left until I finish my BA in English with a Minor in Journalism.

6. I pop my knuckles and it annoys most people. Sometimes I do it on purpose just to be annoying :).

7. I don't give myself enough credit for the talents that I do have and often focus on those I wish I had.

8. I planted flowers in window boxes this summer and I haven't killed them yet...this is huge for me...LOL!

9. Two years ago I realized that my whole life I've never let myself REALLY feel...now I feel EVERYTHING and it's sometimes overwhelming.

10. I cried when I found the first "I hate you" note when I was cleaning one of my kids' rooms and I immediately called my mom and apologized for all the "I hate you" notes that she found when I was a kid.

11. I love the US military and every day I wish I could do more to support our soldiers home and deployed.

12. I burp when I'm eating at the dinner table...only at home though...hehehe!!

13. In my house....Josh Groban is considered my "boyfriend" by my family. But to his credit a few of his songs have really helped me thru hard times.

14. I think SBD's are hilarious when done by me...but disgusting when someone returns the favor...LOL!

15. I love writing and find it therapeutic.

Ok... almost half way. Wow...this is harder than I thought it was going to be. Let's see.....

16. There are things that I would like to tell a few people in my life and I'm not sure I will ever get the opportunity because I am not sure how they would respond...and I don't want to be hurt.

17. Chronic illness has majorly changed my life in more than one area and I feel like I've lost part of who I am.

18. I care too much about what people think.

19. “Titanic” makes me cry. Ok…so do most sappy love stories…most recently “Dear John” and “The Notebook.”

20. I love Sunflowers and Gerber Daisies....they are my favorite flowers because they are bright and cheerful!!

21. I don't like to see people hurting...it makes me hurt too.

22. There are some people in my life who will never know how much I love them.

23. I'm addicted to shoes. I love sexy high-heels and motorcycle boots.

24. I ran a half-marathon and crossing the finish line did not feel as good as I thought it would. I used running as an escape from some things going on in my life. I want to run another one the right way so crossing the finish line will feel like it's supposed to.

25. When I was younger I always wanted to be a drummer in an all girls rock group. Hahaha...I can play the drums...but not well.

26. I LOVE music. My life would be incomplete without music. I believe there is a song for everything. And I love singing those songs!!

27. When I was a teenager and I had a crush on someone...I listened to Mariah Carey and Celine Dion endlessly.

28. The feeling I get when I finish a quilt is amazing. Knowing what the starting pieces looked like and seeing the final product is so rewarding.

29. I like it when my dog licks my feet.

30. I try to be the best person I can be everyday...but realize I am human and make mistakes just like everyone else.

31. I’m a FaceBook addict…LOL! If it weren’t for FaceBook I would not have got to see some wonderful people in the past 6 months.

32. The world cannot hold all the love I feel for my friends and family.

And finally.......

33. I'm thankful for another year. Another year to learn more, love more, live more, and be more!!!!

Now...here is one of those sappy love songs I listened to as a teenager...LOL! 

 I know I'm not the only one who listened to this...hehehe!!

Mariah Carey - Love Takes Time

Uh Oh!!! Detour....

Monday of last week my husband was driving to base only to find out that the direct route from our house to the base had been closed and a detour had been set up. This detour adds 10 minutes to our drive each way....and will until sometime in November. Very frustrating!!! Every time I make that drive...which is often...I become frustrated at the interruption in my day that this detour has caused.

I am the type of person who likes things in order and when I have my day planned I don't do well with changes that arise. Well...what about life changes…things that majorly disrupt how I think life is supposed to be?? Yeah...I don't do so well with those either.

The road to the base is closed for repairs. The road had quite a few holes in it and was rough to drive on. A new road is being paved for a smoother, safer drive. Detours in life do the same thing. They pave the wave for a more comfortable ride. They take us on a new path that can aid in averting damage and disasters. They cause discomfort at first and may be hard to get used to. We may even question why a certain detour was created. I actually drove around one night just to see if I could find a faster more efficient route to the base, and I learned that the route provided WAS the best route. Life is the same way. We question the direction our lives are taking and often become frustrated with the changes that may come our way.

On this drive, I learned the significance of detours; I no longer become upset on the drive to base. This detour is going to make later trips more efficient and safer for my family and vehicle. And...I've learned that I need to embrace life’s detours as well. Instead of complaining about these detours...I need to embrace them...a better path is being created; a path that may seem uncomfortable at first, but will have a rewarding outcome in the end.

Here is a song I found on YouTube.  Can't say it will be a favorite of mine...but in a way it went along with this post.  "Detour".

Tasty Tuesday - Lentil and Sausage Soup

I'm often asked what types of meals I feed my family.  Mostly I make Weight Watchers Dinners...which surprisingly taste really good.

A dish that I have been making lately is "Lentil and Sausage Soup."  Nick and the kids like it therefore,  I usually make a double batch so that there are some leftovers.  I've not tasted it because I don't like beans and there are tomatoes in it, which I cannot eat.  But...I can tell you that if Kortney and Jake are eating it...it's got to be good....LOL!

Ingredients:

2 teaspoons olive oil
2 carrots, thinly sliced
1 onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 pound turkey kielbasa, thinly sliced
1 1/4 cups browns lentils, picked over and rinsed
5 cups water (I use organic vegetable broth)
1 (14 1/2 ounce) can diced tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Directions:

1.  Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat.  Add the carrots, onion, and garlic.  Cook, stirring frequently, until softened, about 5 minutes.

2.  Add the kielbasa, lentils, and water; bring to a boil.  Reduce the heat and simmer until the lentils are tender, about 30 minutes (I've noticed the lentils take about 45 minutes to become tender).

3.  Stir in the tomatoes, salt, and pepper.  Simmer until heated through, about 5 minutes longer.

**I think this dish would be really good with some cornbread drenched in butter...but remember to factor in the extra fat and calories**

I'd like to end this post with a small chuckle...enjoy!!

Song: "I Love My Food"

I know that in my last post (which I deleted) I said that I wasn't going to restart my blog like I had anticipated. Well...since April things have changed and I feel like I can now write and be an encouragement to other people.

While in the states I made a visit to Ross and came across a book called, "God Is Always with You." The first page I opened really spoke to my heart so I bought the book. Turns out it is a journal, and a WONDERFUL one at that. I want to share my journey through this journal with you. I had said before that I wanted to be open and honest in my writings and I think this is a way I can share comfortably in that fashion. So…this blog will not only be about family happenings but also my progression through this journal. It is my hope that everyone who reads this blog will somehow be strengthened and encouraged in some way as I myself am encouraged by writing it.

“EVER PRESENT”

Quote: “When I walk by the wayside, He is along with me….Amid all my forgetfulness of Him, He never forgets me.” – Thomas Chalmers

Poem:
There’s not a tint that paints the rose

Or decks the lily fair,

Or marks the humblest flower that grows,

But God has placed it there….

There’s not a place on earth’s vast round,

In ocean’s deep or air,

Where love and beauty are not found,

For God is everywhere.


At every moment, God is calling your name and waiting to be found. To each cry of “Oh Lord,” God answers, “I am here.”


Scripture:  God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear. – Psalm 46:1-2 (NIV)

*Source: God Is Always with You-Promise Journal – Entry#1, “Ever Present”
Compiled by Joanie Garbog, Designed by Mark Thurbur, and published by Lake House Gifts.


My Thoughts:

After all God has done for me over the last 12 years, how can I ever forget his power? Yet…over the last 2 years this is what I have done. How is it that I came to think that God could help everyone else but me? For me, the answer is pride. God could help me, I just wouldn’t let him. Why? Frankly…I’ve been angry with Him along with everyone else. I’ve been angry at the whole world. I was also tired of being the good girl who always got hurt. I acted out in my angry state, hurting people close to me and that I love dearly. I've made some bad mistakes. Thankfully…God is forgiving, “Ever Present” and STILL with me even when I don’t want him around. Today is a new day; a day to embrace my “Ever-Present” God with fresh eyes and an open heart. Join me on the powerfully journey into the soul…my soul. And…remember God is ALWAYS with you even when you can’t seem to find him.

I'm a music fiend and will be sharing music links as well.  This song is called "Never Alone," by Barlow Girl.

"Never Alone" by Barlow Girl